Ben McEwing
The space between us is where it lives
In almost every leadership workshop I run, I ask people to list what they expect from their team. Without fail, one of the first words to land on the board is “respect.”
It’s said with weight. Certainty. Sometimes even frustration.
But when I ask, “What does respect actually mean to you?” the room often goes quiet. Eventually, answers trickle through: “Listening to me.” “Being open to what I have to say.” “Acknowledging my experience.” “Doing what I ask.”
Underneath it all, I hear something else: See me. Value me. Trust me.
Most leaders have worked hard to get to where they are. They’ve been good at their job, someone noticed, and they were given a shot to move up. So the request for respect often feels like a need for that journey to be acknowledged, to have their current role mean something. To not have to prove themselves all over again.
But here’s what I’ve noticed: respect can’t be expected. It has to be felt.
And there’s a big difference between earning respect and demanding it. One is grounded in humility, the other in control. One says, “Let me show you who I am.” The other says, “Don’t question who I am.”
That’s where respect and trust get tangled. Are they the same thing?
Not quite.
I once worked for someone I respected deeply, their competence, their knowledge, their work ethic, but I didn’t trust them. And yet, I can’t think of a time I’ve truly trusted someone I didn’t also respect.
Maybe respect and trust aren’t two sides of the same coin, maybe they’re part of a living system. Built over time. Reinforced or eroded in the space between people. Invisible, but undeniably felt.
Which is why I’m starting to see respect less as a thing you give or get, and more as something that emerges. Like culture. Like gratitude. Like inspiration. It arises when we witness certain qualities in action: integrity, care, authenticity, repair, responsibility. It shows up when someone makes a tough call and stays honest. When someone listens without ego. When someone chooses the higher road, not the easier one.
And when respect is missing, the whole system shifts. People withhold. Workarounds appear. The absence becomes its own kind of feedback loop; a silent vote of no confidence that nobody says out loud.
There’s no checklist for respect. No bullet-pointed plan. But we know what it feels like. And we know when it’s gone.
So maybe the real question isn’t “Are they respecting me?”
Maybe it’s “What’s the quality of the space between us right now?”
And what is, or isn’t, being invited to emerge?
Who is Melis Senova?
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