As humans, we rupture.

We get it wrong, we hurt people, we feel hurt ourselves.

Sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly.

Sometimes intentionally, but more often not.

What many of us are not taught, though, is how to repair.

When things go wrong in relationships, whether personal, professional, or somewhere in between, we tend to default to one of two moves:

We withdraw. Or we wall up.

Withdrawal looks like silence, avoidance, polite small talk with a tight jaw.

The wall is more final. It’s the quiet “cancel,” the disconnection, the story we tell ourselves that it’s over and not worth the effort.

Both responses are understandable.

Both are protective.

And both can keep us stuck.

Repair, on the other hand, is an act of willingness.

It requires a willingness to revisit the discomfort. To speak what’s unsaid. To hear the other person not just through our defences, but from a deeper place; one that’s open to seeing more than our own version of the story.

I had that experience just yesterday.

I initiated a conversation with someone I’ve had some lingering tension, someone who had, some time ago, offered feedback about me that felt unjust. It came to me second-hand, so I had been holding it quietly, not quite sure what to do with it.

When I saw her, I said:

“Can we please have a conversation? I’d like to do some repair work with you.”

She was a bit stunned. But she said yes.

We went for a walk. I shared what I had heard and how it landed. She listened. Then she clarified. She reflected. She owned her part. She admitted she had been projecting. I reassured her that I was on her side, and that I wanted to reconnect.

It was adult. It was honest. It was real.

And by the end of that walk, something had softened. We hugged. We felt free. There was lightness again. And a stronger bond than before.

That’s the power of repair.

It doesn’t require grand gestures.

It just requires someone to go first.

To say: “I’d like to repair this.”

To choose clarity over story.

To risk being misunderstood in order to be real.

To listen not to win, but to understand.

We don’t talk about repair enough, in life, or in leadership.

But it’s the difference between rupture becoming resentment… or becoming a new kind of relationship.

Who is Melis Senova?

I am a coach and advisor to design leaders, C-level executives and leaders in government. My work in This Human is dedicated to the next generation of designers and leaders.

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