Ben McEwing
We are, all of us, a fusion of stories.
Some were given to us. Some we wrote ourselves, though not consciously. Some we’re still editing. Others… we’ve forgotten are fiction.
From an early age, long before we had language or logic, we started building inner narratives. These became our life scripts — unconscious blueprints that shaped how we see the world, what we expect from life, and how we move through it.
Eric Berne, a psychologist and the founder of a form of psychology called Transactional Analysis, suggested that most people live by one or more of these six core scripts. As you read through these, notice which of them resonate with you.
Until
Definition: Life is on hold until something else is completed or earned — joy is always just out of reach, contingent on another task or achievement.
Example: “I’ll start painting again once I’ve cleared my inbox, finished the project, cleaned the house, and finally lost the weight.”
This person spends years deferring what brings them alive, always waiting to “deserve” it.
After
Definition: Good things must be paid for — pleasure now means punishment later.
Example: “If I relax today, I’ll hate myself tomorrow.”
They overwork, overgive, or overachieve, then secretly expect to crash — because ease feels unsafe.
Never
Definition: Certain outcomes — love, peace, success, safety — are permanently out of reach, no matter what effort is made.
Example: “I’ll never find someone who sees me for who I really am.”
They might long for connection, but pull back just enough to prove themselves right.
Always
Definition: Patterns of disappointment or pain are inevitable and inescapable — life is a loop, and they’re stuck in it.
Example: “I always get close to something good, and then it falls apart.”
They might expect betrayal, sabotage intimacy, or pick battles just to recreate the known script.
Almost
Definition: Success or happiness is nearly possible, but never quite — there’s always something just out of reach.
Example: “I almost got the promotion, but they gave it to someone with more experience. Again.”
This person often self-sabotages unconsciously or chooses situations where they’re set up to be second-best.
Open End
Definition: They’ve followed all the rules, ticked all the boxes — and are left with an aching sense of “now what?”
Example: “I built the life I was supposed to… and I feel completely disconnected from it.”
From the outside it looks like success; inside it feels like a quiet grief for a life unlived.
These scripts are sneaky. They often show up in the background, disguised as personality quirks or “just how things are.” But left unexamined, they become the quiet directors of our lives — shaping choices, relationships, careers, and even our sense of self.
And here’s the kicker: we’re often praised for living them.
The “Until” person is responsible. The “Almost” person is ambitious. The “Open End” person is successful on paper. But deep down? There can be a quiet unrest. A sense that something doesn’t quite fit. That we’re not actually living our story — we’re living the one we were handed.
This is why becoming aware of your life script isn’t about blame. It’s about liberation.
Once we notice the story, we can choose to pause. To ask:
Is this still serving me? Is it even true? What else could be possible?
This is the heart of deep, personal narrative work — not just to analyse, but to imagine. To create space for a new story to emerge. One that aligns with who you are now and wish to carry into the future, not just who you needed to be to survive.
So here’s a gentle invitation:
Notice the lines you find yourself repeating.
The patterns you keep reliving.
The roles you automatically step into.
And ask yourself: what story am I in right now?
Because you are not the script.
You are the storyteller.
Who is Melis Senova?
I am a coach and advisor to design leaders, C-level executives and leaders in government. My work in This Human is dedicated to the next generation of designers and leaders.
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